Bottom Care

When I tell people about the London to Paris ride, most of them express concern about the likely state of my nether regions after 300 miles in the saddle. I thought, therefore, that I would reveal the secret of a perfectly maintained derriere.

1. THE SADDLE



as you can see it has a hole in the middle. This stops pressure on a bit that could really do without it. All your weight goes through your sit bones (the two nobbly bits you sit on). Before buying the saddle I had to go into a bike shop and ask them to measure my bottom to ensure I got the right size. This would have been more embarassing if I had gone into the butchers by mistake.

2. THE CYCLING SHORTS



That alarming gusset is a life-saver containing stretchy padding. (I hasten to add they are inside out). If you've ever done a long distance ride wearing normal shorts, you will understand why cyclists always wear the lycra ones.

3. THE BOTTOM CREAM



or to give it its official title "Chamois Creme" - this is not the top of the milk from an alpine goat, it's lovely soothing cream that you put on before your bum before a ride. It stops saddle sores and easily beats the old fashioned remedy of putting a raw steak in your shorts before a ride.